Robert Callaghan // ʏ๏кคเ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
pushtheboundaries) wrote2015-01-20 02:44 pm
pushtheboundaries) wrote2015-01-20 02:44 pm
Entry tags:
between the lines of fear and blame
At first, Hiro's not sure why he goes. He just knows that it nags at him, tugs at him, and feels unfinished. By all rights, though, it is; the professor is facing a prison sentence of decades, at best, and is no longer in a position where he could hurt someone or someone Hiro cares about. It's over - or maybe it's just begun? but either way it is a closed chapter, and probably best to keep things that way.
Still. Baymax takes care of finding out what needs to be done, and- it sort of goes from there. The next thing he knows he's kicking his feet in the chair, waiting and wondering if this was a good idea to even follow in the first place, and then the door on the other side opens and it's too late to turn away now.
Professor- no, Robert Callaghan seems a bit older since...everything, as though he's aged a decade or so in the space of a few weeks, but there's still that familiar stubborn pride to him. Hiro bites his bottom lip for a moment as their eyes meet, that memory of how awed he he was to first realize that this was Robert Callaghan, and that there was the potential of learning from him and inventing with him and that memory quickly passes. Now there's just discomfort, a lingering bitterness - you got what you wanted, didn't you? - and the renewed feeling of how he's made a mistake.
Callaghan sits down on the other side of the glass, folds his hands together before him, and says nothing. He's expectant and clearly waiting for a reason as to why Hiro's gone through all this trouble, but Hiro's finding it hard to remember those reasons in the first place.
So, after a glance behind him where Baymax stands with an expectant look of his own - or maybe Hiro's just imagining things, but then again for a robot with only two optics and a thin line between them Baymax can be extremely expressive at times - Hiro kicks his feet one more time and braves the unknown.
--
It's a good few weeks before he sends another request. The first had left him with a bad taste in his mouth, Callaghan's shortness as good a reason as any to have considered it the only one he'd ever do. On some level he could understand, but- he couldn't understand Callaghan's quiet (sullen?) refusal to admit a few important details.
He hadn't outright said mistake, but maybe that was because of the few glances at Baymax. Glances which make Hiro feel a bit sick to his stomach, but he did his best not to show it as Callaghan had sighed and rubbed his forehead and admitted that it was not /supposed/ to go that way and that seemed to be the most he could admit. Hiro hadn't pushed for more.
But here he was again, putting himself through the same wringer. It takes a little longer for everything to process, but there's the chair, there's the partition, there's the door, and there's Callaghan.
And there's the awkward start, but at least this time it doesn't last as long. Because Hiro...
Heck, he just wants someone to talk to, because as much as his friends have his back they don't get some things like he does, and for a while he thought that maybe Callaghan would, and maybe he's just chasing that stupid memory that no longer exists
but Callaghan, after a brief look of confusion, listens, and then even asks a few questions of his own.
They're both keenly aware of the distance between them; it's more than just a window, it's words said and actions done that can never be erased nor forgotten. And maybe there's a difference as to who's bearing more of it, but Hiro is so desperate for someone he can connect to on a particular level- and it's beyond Wasabi's aptitude for physics, Honey's mastery of chemistry, it's past Go Go's expertise with engineering and Fred? Fred may be the bright ball of positive energy that has kept them going as they turn all of this to crime-fighting, of all things, but this is past any of that.
Callaghan is - or maybe was - the closest thing he has to it. So he talks, and Callaghan listens, and Callaghan talks back, and by the time the hour is over things are nowhere near easy with them but there's a thin line of connection that wasn't there before.
He timidly asks if he could maybe- well- and Callaghan presses his lips together in a clouded expression but eventually sort of half-shrugs before the corners of those lips tug upwards.
You're the most intelligent conversation I've had in months.
So maybe Callaghan is a little desperate, too.
--
The third visit happens after there's been an incident. Their first big loss, no less. Callaghan doesn't really say much of anything at first but he has this look on his face - specifically, he's looking at the bruises and bandages that Hiro's sporting - that speaks volumes. He even looks at Baymax, who begins providing a diagnosis before Hiro cuts him off and leans forward and very quietly admits that maybe, maybe he could use advice.
Neither of them bring up the fact they're being recorded. Neither insults the other by implicating the other doesn't know. It's a bit difficult to keep to vague terms, but Callaghan seems to have kept up enough on the news that he only needs a few specifics, but even so...
Even so, it's clear that they have very different thought processes. Or maybe...
Or maybe similar enough that it's only a few crucial but still essential factors that separate them.
You're going to have to face this, Callaghan informs him quietly. If you're going to keep doing this, you're going to have to make a decision sooner or later-
No, Hiro insists. No, that's not the problem here-
And Callaghan is frustrated and rubbing his face and so is Hiro with a frustrated noise of his own because he really should have known better than to ask for this kind of advice. This is the guy who thought it was a good idea to start a fire, for pete's sake, and didn't care about anyone- anyone going back in, maybe anyone getting hurt-
Do what you can, then, Callaghan grouses, turning away with an unhappy frown. Manage it as best you can, but the longer you drag this out without finishing it the messier it's going to get, and the harder it's going to be to keep others from making mistakes-
Hiro, to his credit, does not entirely lose it. He might say a few things that would make Aunt Cass wash his mouth out with soap if she heard, and he definitely gets Callaghan's shocked attention, but none of that makes him feel any better and he's getting up because no, he didn't come here for that. And at this point, he's forgotten again what he did want, because why should he have expected anything differently?
Baymax is making a comment about his agitation but he doesn't need to be told about it, he's going outside to cool off before going home because he's done, he's
Hiro!
looking over his shoulder and Callaghan is on his feet, but he doesn't look angry, he looks- Hiro isn't sure what that expression is, really. It's a tight grimace and accompanied by a hand on the glass even with the guard reaching to take him by the shoulder because it's pretty clear the visit is over and-
No one was supposed to get hurt back then, I swear-
It's the closest thing to an apology he's come to so far, but it's nowhere near enough.
--
Hiro had intended to not come back at all, but he's scared. He's scared because the latest fight had their opponent cursing them and while it'd be easy to blow him off with -and your little dog, too!, he's had nightmares of being hunted down only to find that he wasn't the target at all- Aunt Cass was. Worse, the others, or even...even finding out that there was a chance for him to still be alive but he blew it, he ruined it...
Have you told anyone? he demands, after they sit down. He intends this to be short, just getting some information, and at least Callaghan catches on quickly what he's implying...because it would be very, very easy for him to put all of them in a huge amount of danger. The Big Hero 6 are making enemies, some petty, but some powerful. And if Callaghan wants him to treat this seriously, wants him to remove problems before they become threats?...
...no. No, he's not going to become like him. Still, Hiro's tense and gripping his fists until the man shakes his head, but even so he doesn't believe him-
You tried to kill me, he snaps, not caring who's listening. Let them think he's referring to the fire, or maybe that time at the warehouse before he tried going to the police. Why wouldn't you?
For God's sake, Hiro, comes the disgusted retort. Your life is hard enough without me adding to it-!
That didn't stop you before!
This is starting to lead in to a repeat of their last visit. A mistake. Hiro's ready to start a full-fledged argument when Callaghan leans back in his chair and rubs his hands over his face with a sound of helpless frustration. And why shouldn't he, he deserves every bit of that frustration, every ounce of discomfort-
Abigail visited me last week.
It's such an abrupt and confusing change of subject that it takes Hiro off guard. The boy blinks, noncomprehending, and says nothing to interrupt.
I'd still be in here if things hadn't gone as they had, Callaghan continues, words still muffled by his hands and fingers rubbing at new lines in his face, or maybe I'd be on the run. I don't know, but I- /have/ to believe that this is the best way things could have gone, because if they hadn't then...
He trails off, as if unsure of how to continue. Hiro, at least, is unsure, looking towards Baymax and back again. He's still- angry, still frustrated, but what is Callaghan getting at?...
I set a fire that killed your brother, the man goes on to murmur, and you pull off a miracle.
...I didn't do it for you.
I know. You did it because you're just like your brother.
Oh.
That hurts.
Hiro- almost shrinks back, swallowing and hunching his shoulders as he looks down at his hands. He'd- wondered about that lately, sometimes, if he could ever be half the man Tadashi was because this is so hard without him, he just misses him so much...
I'll never be able to fix things, but the least I can do at this point is keep a simple confidence.
--
Callaghan is not- quite- what Hiro would call a mentor, not by any means, but most of the bad blood between them seems to have been brought up to the surface. Whether it will wash off or fester- well, he's not sure. The man seems to have a talent for getting under Hiro's skin, and there are quite a few more times in which he tells himself he won't come back...but sooner or later he does.
And though they require the signatures of both, not a single visit is denied. The times that they don't run out of time, Callaghan is always the last to stand. Hiro manages to find the words to ask him about it, at some time, and Callaghan is quiet for a while before making this rolling little shrug of his shoulders.
Still, it not until Baymax points out a few results of his latest scans- the subtle differences in Callaghan's moods before-during-and-after their talks, his nuances in tone and voice, even his body language is pointed out to a degree that Hiro wonders if Baymax's healthcare programming hasn't picked up a few things from his combat chip. Callaghan gives the 'bot an unamused look, or at least it looks unamused; he's got his mouth half-covered by his hand and is rubbing at the skin, there, which in turn has another meaning that Baymax is more than willing to go in to before Hiro manages to quiet him with a few that's all right, that's all right.
Then Callaghan looks at him, and Hiro...manages a weak smile, because Baymax hasn't said anything that he himself wasn't suspecting. That Callaghan...
Callaghan is getting something from all of this, too.
I can listen, he offers helpfully, and Callaghan- Robert laughs a bit in to his hand, closing his eyes for a long moment before opening them again.
I know. I would have enjoyed you as a student, when you weren't frustrating me. After a pause (and a little nod of encouragement from Hiro), he goes on to admit he misses teaching, and - with a wry look of acknowledgement - while he has made mistakes (and doesn't that give Hiro a bittersweet satisfaction, to hear him say), it's refreshing to have someone to talk to who's actually going places, unlike the majority of the people here.
Hiro can't help but ask him to elaborate, and after a brief pause, Robert does. He mentions how there's a few of the felons here who seem more lost than anything, and may eventually end up contributing to society. But it's the way he says that, that makes Hiro pause and wonder if he doesn't mean something else-
-no, he doesn't have to wonder. He may not be the best at reading people, and nowhere near as good as Baymax, but something about it all clicks in to place as Hiro sees, again, just how old Callaghan seems. To a teenager like him, he's certainly miles away, but- what, he's maybe in his fifties? Hiro wracks his mind as the man goes on, but he's only paying half attention now, and when Callaghan trails off he can't help but blurt out, you know, you could still help out.
The silence is long, awkward, and leads to Hiro mentally kicking himself a number of times before Callaghan snorts and shakes his head.
I went out with a bang. That's about all I can say at this point. It should have been...well. Again, that half-rolling shrug, and a clouding of features that suggests Callaghan is about to close himself off again but Hiro refuses to let him.
Not when, for a few moments, he saw the man he once so idolized. It could be more, he presses, leaning in, placing his hands on the table in entreaty. Professor Callaghan-
They took away my 'Professor' title about the time I pleaded 'guilty' Callaghan dryly corrects, but Hiro's not going to be stopped.
So what?! I mean- if you want to waste away in here, Hiro says with a little wave of his hand, go ahead, but, I dunno, I think that maybe you could still do something. Something useful. But then again, it's kind of easy to give up, right, so what do I know?
Callaghan's gone back to half-hiding his face, but from what Hiro can see, there's a thoughtful aspect to it. And when it finally comes time for them to leave...
This time, they part with the shaking of hands.
Still. Baymax takes care of finding out what needs to be done, and- it sort of goes from there. The next thing he knows he's kicking his feet in the chair, waiting and wondering if this was a good idea to even follow in the first place, and then the door on the other side opens and it's too late to turn away now.
Professor- no, Robert Callaghan seems a bit older since...everything, as though he's aged a decade or so in the space of a few weeks, but there's still that familiar stubborn pride to him. Hiro bites his bottom lip for a moment as their eyes meet, that memory of how awed he he was to first realize that this was Robert Callaghan, and that there was the potential of learning from him and inventing with him and that memory quickly passes. Now there's just discomfort, a lingering bitterness - you got what you wanted, didn't you? - and the renewed feeling of how he's made a mistake.
Callaghan sits down on the other side of the glass, folds his hands together before him, and says nothing. He's expectant and clearly waiting for a reason as to why Hiro's gone through all this trouble, but Hiro's finding it hard to remember those reasons in the first place.
So, after a glance behind him where Baymax stands with an expectant look of his own - or maybe Hiro's just imagining things, but then again for a robot with only two optics and a thin line between them Baymax can be extremely expressive at times - Hiro kicks his feet one more time and braves the unknown.
--
It's a good few weeks before he sends another request. The first had left him with a bad taste in his mouth, Callaghan's shortness as good a reason as any to have considered it the only one he'd ever do. On some level he could understand, but- he couldn't understand Callaghan's quiet (sullen?) refusal to admit a few important details.
He hadn't outright said mistake, but maybe that was because of the few glances at Baymax. Glances which make Hiro feel a bit sick to his stomach, but he did his best not to show it as Callaghan had sighed and rubbed his forehead and admitted that it was not /supposed/ to go that way and that seemed to be the most he could admit. Hiro hadn't pushed for more.
But here he was again, putting himself through the same wringer. It takes a little longer for everything to process, but there's the chair, there's the partition, there's the door, and there's Callaghan.
And there's the awkward start, but at least this time it doesn't last as long. Because Hiro...
Heck, he just wants someone to talk to, because as much as his friends have his back they don't get some things like he does, and for a while he thought that maybe Callaghan would, and maybe he's just chasing that stupid memory that no longer exists
but Callaghan, after a brief look of confusion, listens, and then even asks a few questions of his own.
They're both keenly aware of the distance between them; it's more than just a window, it's words said and actions done that can never be erased nor forgotten. And maybe there's a difference as to who's bearing more of it, but Hiro is so desperate for someone he can connect to on a particular level- and it's beyond Wasabi's aptitude for physics, Honey's mastery of chemistry, it's past Go Go's expertise with engineering and Fred? Fred may be the bright ball of positive energy that has kept them going as they turn all of this to crime-fighting, of all things, but this is past any of that.
Callaghan is - or maybe was - the closest thing he has to it. So he talks, and Callaghan listens, and Callaghan talks back, and by the time the hour is over things are nowhere near easy with them but there's a thin line of connection that wasn't there before.
He timidly asks if he could maybe- well- and Callaghan presses his lips together in a clouded expression but eventually sort of half-shrugs before the corners of those lips tug upwards.
You're the most intelligent conversation I've had in months.
So maybe Callaghan is a little desperate, too.
--
The third visit happens after there's been an incident. Their first big loss, no less. Callaghan doesn't really say much of anything at first but he has this look on his face - specifically, he's looking at the bruises and bandages that Hiro's sporting - that speaks volumes. He even looks at Baymax, who begins providing a diagnosis before Hiro cuts him off and leans forward and very quietly admits that maybe, maybe he could use advice.
Neither of them bring up the fact they're being recorded. Neither insults the other by implicating the other doesn't know. It's a bit difficult to keep to vague terms, but Callaghan seems to have kept up enough on the news that he only needs a few specifics, but even so...
Even so, it's clear that they have very different thought processes. Or maybe...
Or maybe similar enough that it's only a few crucial but still essential factors that separate them.
You're going to have to face this, Callaghan informs him quietly. If you're going to keep doing this, you're going to have to make a decision sooner or later-
No, Hiro insists. No, that's not the problem here-
And Callaghan is frustrated and rubbing his face and so is Hiro with a frustrated noise of his own because he really should have known better than to ask for this kind of advice. This is the guy who thought it was a good idea to start a fire, for pete's sake, and didn't care about anyone- anyone going back in, maybe anyone getting hurt-
Do what you can, then, Callaghan grouses, turning away with an unhappy frown. Manage it as best you can, but the longer you drag this out without finishing it the messier it's going to get, and the harder it's going to be to keep others from making mistakes-
Hiro, to his credit, does not entirely lose it. He might say a few things that would make Aunt Cass wash his mouth out with soap if she heard, and he definitely gets Callaghan's shocked attention, but none of that makes him feel any better and he's getting up because no, he didn't come here for that. And at this point, he's forgotten again what he did want, because why should he have expected anything differently?
Baymax is making a comment about his agitation but he doesn't need to be told about it, he's going outside to cool off before going home because he's done, he's
Hiro!
looking over his shoulder and Callaghan is on his feet, but he doesn't look angry, he looks- Hiro isn't sure what that expression is, really. It's a tight grimace and accompanied by a hand on the glass even with the guard reaching to take him by the shoulder because it's pretty clear the visit is over and-
No one was supposed to get hurt back then, I swear-
It's the closest thing to an apology he's come to so far, but it's nowhere near enough.
--
Hiro had intended to not come back at all, but he's scared. He's scared because the latest fight had their opponent cursing them and while it'd be easy to blow him off with -and your little dog, too!, he's had nightmares of being hunted down only to find that he wasn't the target at all- Aunt Cass was. Worse, the others, or even...even finding out that there was a chance for him to still be alive but he blew it, he ruined it...
Have you told anyone? he demands, after they sit down. He intends this to be short, just getting some information, and at least Callaghan catches on quickly what he's implying...because it would be very, very easy for him to put all of them in a huge amount of danger. The Big Hero 6 are making enemies, some petty, but some powerful. And if Callaghan wants him to treat this seriously, wants him to remove problems before they become threats?...
...no. No, he's not going to become like him. Still, Hiro's tense and gripping his fists until the man shakes his head, but even so he doesn't believe him-
You tried to kill me, he snaps, not caring who's listening. Let them think he's referring to the fire, or maybe that time at the warehouse before he tried going to the police. Why wouldn't you?
For God's sake, Hiro, comes the disgusted retort. Your life is hard enough without me adding to it-!
That didn't stop you before!
This is starting to lead in to a repeat of their last visit. A mistake. Hiro's ready to start a full-fledged argument when Callaghan leans back in his chair and rubs his hands over his face with a sound of helpless frustration. And why shouldn't he, he deserves every bit of that frustration, every ounce of discomfort-
Abigail visited me last week.
It's such an abrupt and confusing change of subject that it takes Hiro off guard. The boy blinks, noncomprehending, and says nothing to interrupt.
I'd still be in here if things hadn't gone as they had, Callaghan continues, words still muffled by his hands and fingers rubbing at new lines in his face, or maybe I'd be on the run. I don't know, but I- /have/ to believe that this is the best way things could have gone, because if they hadn't then...
He trails off, as if unsure of how to continue. Hiro, at least, is unsure, looking towards Baymax and back again. He's still- angry, still frustrated, but what is Callaghan getting at?...
I set a fire that killed your brother, the man goes on to murmur, and you pull off a miracle.
...I didn't do it for you.
I know. You did it because you're just like your brother.
Oh.
That hurts.
Hiro- almost shrinks back, swallowing and hunching his shoulders as he looks down at his hands. He'd- wondered about that lately, sometimes, if he could ever be half the man Tadashi was because this is so hard without him, he just misses him so much...
I'll never be able to fix things, but the least I can do at this point is keep a simple confidence.
--
Callaghan is not- quite- what Hiro would call a mentor, not by any means, but most of the bad blood between them seems to have been brought up to the surface. Whether it will wash off or fester- well, he's not sure. The man seems to have a talent for getting under Hiro's skin, and there are quite a few more times in which he tells himself he won't come back...but sooner or later he does.
And though they require the signatures of both, not a single visit is denied. The times that they don't run out of time, Callaghan is always the last to stand. Hiro manages to find the words to ask him about it, at some time, and Callaghan is quiet for a while before making this rolling little shrug of his shoulders.
Still, it not until Baymax points out a few results of his latest scans- the subtle differences in Callaghan's moods before-during-and-after their talks, his nuances in tone and voice, even his body language is pointed out to a degree that Hiro wonders if Baymax's healthcare programming hasn't picked up a few things from his combat chip. Callaghan gives the 'bot an unamused look, or at least it looks unamused; he's got his mouth half-covered by his hand and is rubbing at the skin, there, which in turn has another meaning that Baymax is more than willing to go in to before Hiro manages to quiet him with a few that's all right, that's all right.
Then Callaghan looks at him, and Hiro...manages a weak smile, because Baymax hasn't said anything that he himself wasn't suspecting. That Callaghan...
Callaghan is getting something from all of this, too.
I can listen, he offers helpfully, and Callaghan- Robert laughs a bit in to his hand, closing his eyes for a long moment before opening them again.
I know. I would have enjoyed you as a student, when you weren't frustrating me. After a pause (and a little nod of encouragement from Hiro), he goes on to admit he misses teaching, and - with a wry look of acknowledgement - while he has made mistakes (and doesn't that give Hiro a bittersweet satisfaction, to hear him say), it's refreshing to have someone to talk to who's actually going places, unlike the majority of the people here.
Hiro can't help but ask him to elaborate, and after a brief pause, Robert does. He mentions how there's a few of the felons here who seem more lost than anything, and may eventually end up contributing to society. But it's the way he says that, that makes Hiro pause and wonder if he doesn't mean something else-
-no, he doesn't have to wonder. He may not be the best at reading people, and nowhere near as good as Baymax, but something about it all clicks in to place as Hiro sees, again, just how old Callaghan seems. To a teenager like him, he's certainly miles away, but- what, he's maybe in his fifties? Hiro wracks his mind as the man goes on, but he's only paying half attention now, and when Callaghan trails off he can't help but blurt out, you know, you could still help out.
The silence is long, awkward, and leads to Hiro mentally kicking himself a number of times before Callaghan snorts and shakes his head.
I went out with a bang. That's about all I can say at this point. It should have been...well. Again, that half-rolling shrug, and a clouding of features that suggests Callaghan is about to close himself off again but Hiro refuses to let him.
Not when, for a few moments, he saw the man he once so idolized. It could be more, he presses, leaning in, placing his hands on the table in entreaty. Professor Callaghan-
They took away my 'Professor' title about the time I pleaded 'guilty' Callaghan dryly corrects, but Hiro's not going to be stopped.
So what?! I mean- if you want to waste away in here, Hiro says with a little wave of his hand, go ahead, but, I dunno, I think that maybe you could still do something. Something useful. But then again, it's kind of easy to give up, right, so what do I know?
Callaghan's gone back to half-hiding his face, but from what Hiro can see, there's a thoughtful aspect to it. And when it finally comes time for them to leave...
This time, they part with the shaking of hands.